The Void pt. 5

As we again orbit our void, we are reminded of our current destiny, awakening another surge of emotion from within. The revelation of how much we have played a role in this dance pierces our heart with even more pain, as if discovering WHO, WHAT, WHERE and WHEN were insufficient impetus to garner our sincere attention.

Now it is WHY that consumes our thoughts.

We think about our accomplishments, the trials we've overcome and the tests we've passed. We know we are not beyond ration and reason, having a fair amount of knowledge, understanding and wisdom - yet - we are still at the epicenter of our own destruction.

Is it plausible we are masochistic?

Do we enjoy decay?

Are we simply ignorant and unaware of it?

The questions real in our mind. This is our moment of self flagellation as if to say Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa. Such a good beating should draw out an answer, but none comes forth. Again we tire, giving in to the circumstance for what it is. Our mind settles and we begin a new portion of query from an objective state - hopefully.

With achieved objectivity at hand we begin to realize that though we are the major actor on this stage, there are many other actors and even props contributing to the play. Utilizing the information garnered from our WHEN discovery, we look for the transition wherein we willfully chose a childish approach to life. This is not so easy, there are many, many occasions. One thing is obvious however - every occasion possesses certain characteristics only now discernible.

The first we notice is the overwhelming desire to be accepted by those around us. It is powerful, as if it is the meaning of our existence. The appropriate clothes, hair style, vernacular, etc. This, of course, gives way to an intense desire to prove our value or worth, supposedly to our self. Ironically, it appears such is merely vanity, for we are not unique, rather we are a composite of our environ - by choice. Nevertheless, our Ego steps forth as a master, leading to a service of me, myself and I in the most obvious and arrogant ways - including actions of defense when no offense was propagated.

Ironically, when looking back, we see many hurdles and warnings to our pursuit of entry into orbit. Unfortunately, we were consumed with a rebellious attitude, assuming we had attained significant experience to equate to wisdom. Examples of this behavior mount as we look at our life from an external port. Even when we attempted service to something or somebody else, we see a self-suiting reason at the heart of the matter.

Sadness emits as we wonder if there is any hope at all. Are these behaviors the subconscious ruts holding our travels in orbit?

Then, looking at the result of our over active Ego, we see just how close it was to confidence, yet not. That's it! Lack of confidence! We re-acted in stead of acting, but why?

We sense a multitude of reasons - potential rejection, plausible loss of social status, probable loneliness, the list grows as we continue. Hundreds of 'reasons' present themselves. Pondering, we start to see how false all these reasons were and are - they are simply lies.

What is a lie?

It is most certainly something that does not exist outside of our own imagination. It is non-extant - a nothing. Then again, our Void is a nothing, at least in appearance - is it too a lie? Why would we be influenced by a lie?

Then it happens. We recognize a common denominator in our choice to believe, accept and follow lies - FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of the truth - fear. While indeed we chose our orbital path, we did so out of false evidence appearing real (F-E-A-R).

Would we have been rejected?

Are we being honest with our self?

Did self-service fulfill us?

Naturally, we have to question why we would fear that which really is, that is, the truth. Would not truth be better than a lie? If a lie is really nothing, non-extant outside our mind, then truth would be extant outside our mind. This could be scary.

Contemplation of this scenario shows further fear of truth because of truth's potential. Truth is, therefore it does not request change - it manufactures it - and Change is contrary to Comfort.

This gives reminder of another statement made by the one called The Christ, "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." Such is scary to one bound by Comfort.

WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN and now WHY have become fairly clear, but we have not been freed from our orbit. This brings us back to our set aside question - HOW, HOW do we plot a course out of this destructive orbit?

Until pt 6 ...

theunclericproject